Family Routines and Rituals

Image by Kanmani Murali (10 years)

Routines are something we do as a family day in and day out to organise ourselves. Though children may resist it, routines are not just important but essential for them. It gives them a structure to the day, teaches them healthy habits, roles and responsibilities and most importantly the predictability of it makes them feel safe. Routines tend to be things that one needs to do whether they like it or not. So, to ensure children carry out the routines, it helps to start with a small list, gives information on why the routine is important and be consistent with following the same routine (how much ever boring it may seem). When children are younger, it helps to handhold them in following the routine until it becomes a habit that they can follow on an auto-pilot. Routines help children to learn to predict what will happen next, and in doing so, they feel empowered to tackle the task. Through routines, children learn how to translate chaos to order in their life.

Rituals, like routines, are also actions that a family does together. However, they are quite effective because a family ritual is something that a) is chosen and agreed upon by all members of the family b) it reflects the family shared beliefs and values and c) it's fun.

Rituals, unlike routines, needn't be forced, it can be initiated and dropped at any time. The primary focus of rituals should be connection. These are simple things when repeated consistently deeply bonds family together.

Though rituals are simple, the outcome of it can be quite powerful. Carrying out a ritual creates positive emotions, increases focus, deepens the bond between the parent & child and holds the family together even through rough times.

Rituals are a consistent way to convey to a child the messages 'I see you, I hear you and I'm with you'.

Here are some examples of  rituals:

1. Family sharing their gratitude at dinner every Wednesday 2. Movie night with your family 3. Saying 'I love you' before going to sleep 4. Having a family song/dance 5. Special kiss/hug shared between the parent and child during transitions

6. Parent and child having a secret handshake sequence

7. Doing science experiments as a family

8. Play games together

9. Snuggle time in the morning/evening

10. Having a parent-child day

In her book 'I love you rituals' Becky A Bailey lists over 70 rituals ideas that families can adopt.

If you see yourselves getting too caught up in daily routines, commit yourselves to build and consistently practice rituals. This would help your family and child blossom over time.

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