Healing Our Unpleasant Childhood Emotions

We often carry many unhealed childhood emotions as baggage in our adulthood that we unconsciously pass on to the next generation.

Let’s understand this through an example.

Here is Ram’s case. Ram in his childhood was shouted at by his father very often.

What could happen to Ram? Ram feels fearful and grows up with the belief, “I can’t express” or “I am scared to express” and carries the fear of expressing in his adulthood.

There is a very high chance that Ram is still scared to speak up. Another possibility is that he learns to dominate (to hide his fear) and makes others fearful.

This is a classic example of how we, as parents, knowingly or unknowingly, could pass on our unhealed fears to our child.

It means that what you experience in your childhood, you can carry the same in your adulthood. What you learnt in your childhood through your own experiences could form the basis of your actions. This, in turn, forms the basis of your child’s experiences and becomes an unending vicious cycle.

How can you change this? How can you break this pattern and stop passing the load?

You can use the process of 4 A’s - Awareness, Acknowledge, Ability & Action.

Let’s again take the previous example and understand what Ram could do as an adult to break the cycle.

Ram can build AWARENESS (one way to do this is by journaling his thoughts and feelings). By being conscious of his thoughts and feelings, he can become aware that he is fearful. This awareness helps Ram to know that deep within him, he has a part that is still fearful.

He now needs to ACKNOWLEDGE this fearful part. He can do this by talking to this fearful part (“I hear you, I see you, I feel you, and I am with you.”) He can also, acknowledge the need of the fearful part. The need of this fearful part could be ‘to express’. He talks to this need. (“I know you need to express freely.”)

Ram can build his ABILITY to express freely by consistently affirming. (“I can express freely.”)

Ram needs to take consistent ACTION (he takes the easiest step to express freely by talking to his best friend).

By practising these 4 A’s, consistently, Ram can heal his fearful part.This will help him break the pattern and the cycle of fear. He eventually learns to express freely.

What we learn in our childhood can be unlearnt in our adulthood, the sooner we do it, the better it is. By doing so, we relieve not only ourselves from our emotional baggage, but also our children and the generations to come.

(Edited by Juhi Ramaiya)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Geeta B Bhansali

Geeta B Bhansali, has been practising therapy and healing, related to mind , body and emotions since 15 years. She is a Heal Your Life Workshop Leader certified by Heart Inspired, USA for over 6 years, and also accredited as Heal Your Life Coach and TeenPlayshop facilitator. She uses skills from Voice and Body movement, Play back Theatre, Theatre of Oppressed, Non violent Communication and Theta Healing while working with adults, children and youngsters.

Geeta believes that when we are aware of our own thoughts, emotions and energy, we create an environment where we all can thrive.