Sacrifice vs. Intentional Mutuality in a Parent-Child Relationship (Part 2)

In our previous blog on sacrifice and intentional mutuality, we looked at what the sacrificial mindset and intentional mutuality mindset are. In this blog, we will delve into the key differences again and explore some examples.

Differences between sacrifice and intentional mutuality

Now, let’s try and understand the sacrificial mindset and the intentional mutuality mindset through some examples.

First, let’s consider the case of a person who chooses to be a stay-at-home parent. Now, suppose the parent took that decision with a sacrificial mindset; they may have decided to stay at home just to fulfill a societal expectation: that as a parent they have to stay fully with their child. They may not even have evaluated what their actual need is for choosing to stay at home or if they would miss their work-life or how they would get nurtured by deciding to stay at home for their child. The narrative of such a parent could come out as, “I have sacrificed so much for you by staying at home and taking care of you.” So, they essentially would view their decision as a sacrifice and would continue to do so in the long run, too.

Let’s say there is another parent who also chooses to stay at home, but with an intentional mutuality mindset instead. Such a parent would respond to the decision to stay at home by saying that, “Yes, I have decided to stay at home not only because I want to take care of my child, but also because it gives me a lot of comfort. Spending time with my child has nourished me and this is what I want the most in this phase of my life.” Further, this parent would take good self-care breaks, set healthy boundaries with their child, and have conversations with their partner about sharing responsibilities in bringing up the child, etc. As we can see, this narrative coming out of a mutuality mindset is entirely different from that coming out of a sacrificial mindset, even though the parents in both cases took the same decision of staying at home. In the second case, the parent is actually more mindful about their choice and it is a win-win situation for both the parent and the child.

We will look at another example situation – a case in which a person chooses to be a working parent. When a parent takes such a decision with a sacrificial mindset, they may do so thinking that they have to work because they have to provide for their family. However, they may have decided thus without even considering whether they are enjoying work-life or not, or despite feeling guilty that they are unable to give their child enough time.

On the other hand, a parent opting to work with a mutuality mindset may approach it with a perspective that says, “My job makes me feel good; when at work, I get to do challenging things, I get a break from my family and so when I go back home, I’m fully ready to spend time with my child.” In such a scenario, the parent may have to take several measures to ensure that they give a nurturing environment for their child and reach out to resources for the same. Yet, operating with the win-win mindset, they can find creative ways to take care of their child while also nourishing themselves by working.

Intentional mutuality may need more hard work initially, but in the long run, mutuality pays off owing to the fact that it is a very sustainable practice. Moreover, since intentional mutuality involves an abundant mindset, it can be a worthy solution to many life situations irrespective of the socio-economic status of the parent.

Sacrifice is seen as a great virtue by society; however, consistently practicing intentional mutuality is a healthier and more sustainable alternative. While sacrifice may be the appropriate choice to make in certain cases where it is absolutely needed, it need not be the default solution to all of life’s challenges just because it is praised highly and has been passed on to us through generations. Therefore, in your relationship with your child, each time a situation crops up, it is always a good idea to make mutuality your default and explore what could be a win-win situation for both you and your child. This means that any time a situation is presented to you, ask yourself, “Do I have to sacrifice myself for this or are there any creative ways by which both my child and I can gain from this and thrive?” Or in other words, when you come from a place of intentional mutuality, it not only helps you and your child survive but it also helps both of you thrive, and ensure that you and your child are connected and truly happy.

(Edited by Anupama Krishnakumar)

Read Part 1 of this blog HERE

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