Self-Care Practices that Give Long-Lasting Joy!

img src:https://www.instagram.com/charliemackesy

Many of us live extremely fast-paced lives today. We are racing towards several goals, both personal and professional, that we have set for ourselves, and are caught up in achieving them. In the midst of all this, there’s an important aspect of our life that we may not often pay attention to. And that is self-care. What is self-care? To put it simply, self-care is the act of being kind to yourself.

Today, self-care is a very popular theme and retail therapy is a very commonly advocated form of self-care. For instance, pampering oneself with shopping, fine-dining, bubble baths, chocolates etc., are often put forth as ways for a person to feel good about themselves. There’s no denying the fact that retail therapy has its own place in self-care. Having said that, there is yet another aspect to self-care where certain valuable self-care practices, when followed diligently, can give you joy that is long lasting! Not just that, these practices can also help you to be very kind to yourself and may cost nothing at all!

Let us look into three such self-care practices.

Self-care Practice 1: Change the narrative of your self-judgments. Most of us have an ‘inner critic’ within us. This critic in you tends to make you view yourself or something that you do, critically, leaving you feeling worthless. So, the first strategy to self-care is to change the narrative around your self-judgments. For example, suppose your inner critic says that you are highly dis-organised, you may change your narrative and tell yourself, “I can see that being organised is important for me. Let me see if I can learn new skills to make myself more organised.” During a phase of self-criticism, when you modify the narrative to something optimistic and affirming, you grow more accepting of yourself and feel kindness for yourself in your heart. Doing so may also help you take good actions that would benefit you in the long run.

There are two techniques that can help you change the narrative around your self-judgement. The first one is journaling. Whenever the inner critic in you rises up to criticize you for something that you are doing, write down that criticism first. Then, see how you can transform that criticism into a kinder voice. For instance, suppose you are constantly judging yourself that you are a bad parent, write that down. Then change your self-judgement narrative to a kinder version and write, “I’m doing the best I can, given the resources I have at this point in time.”

The other technique that can help silence your inner critic is being your own best friend. For example, let’s say you are trying to apply for a new position in a company, and the critic in you keeps telling you that you aren’t good enough to apply for the position. Here’s how you can approach this situation. Try to imagine that you are telling the thoughts of your inner critic to your best friend. When your friend hears your concern, they might encourage you by pointing out that you have the right skills for the position. They would possibly say that you have great project management skills, that you are empathetic, organised and can get things done and therefore, you should just go ahead and apply for the position. Now, assume that your best friend is not reachable because he or she is far away. So, instead, you try to be that best friend to yourself, and tell these things to yourself. By being your own best friend, you can eliminate the self-criticism that you are subjecting yourself to.

Self-care Practice 2: Set boundaries. Or in other words, in today’s world, NO IS THE NEW YES! One of the good ways by which you can set boundaries is by choosing to do activities and surrounding yourself with people that nourish you rather than drain you.

By setting boundaries, you engage in activities that bring joy to you. You also learn to say no to activities that overwhelm you and drain you. These activities are not just the ones you don’t like to do. It could also include those that you like doing but don’t have time and space for. Imagine someone is offering you a task to do and it’s something you like doing. But you already have a lot on your plate and you know you will not be able to manage it. So, even though it is something you like to do, you may practice saying no.

By setting boundaries, you surround yourself with people who give you joy and nurture your mental well-being. You also learn to say no to people (friends or family or colleagues) who subject you to toxic behavior. You could do this by working out strategies that reduce the time you spend with such people, strategies that perhaps even help discontinue such relationships in the long run.

Many a time, we tend to do many things without realizing the pressure it is putting on our energy levels. Have you heard of JOMO? It is the acronym for the Joy Of Missing Out, as opposed to FOMO or the Fear Of Missing Out. Try practicing JOMO when you are letting go of something you like. There is joy in missing out, especially when you know well that the activity or relationship is beyond what you can manage or offer. Remember, when you set boundaries to engage in activities and be with people who nourish you, you will be kinder with yourself. This will enhance your self-care.

When you define boundaries, it is only common to encounter people and incidents that violate the set boundaries. Under such circumstances, speak up to the person or people who are violating your boundaries, if you feel safe with them. If you don’t feel safe with them, practice the third self-care strategy: Ask for support.

Self-care Practice 3: Ask for support. Your support system should comprise of people who nourish you and make you feel kinder towards yourself. This system could include friends, family members, therapists, mentors or support groups who can help you get through challenging situations in life, such as a toxic relationship or a tough situation at work. Remember when life feels overwhelming, there’s nothing more powerful than asking for support, nothing kinder you can do for yourself than seeking support.

Regularly practicing these three self-care practices namely, changing the narrative of your self-judgments, setting boundaries and asking for support, will help you feel invigorated and ready to face challenging situations in life. You will feel well taken care of. You will feel kind towards yourself.

Why is self-care important in parenting?

Self-care is very important in parenting because as a parent, only when you take care of yourself, feel good about yourself and are kind to yourself, will you be able to build the capacity to love, connect and be kind with your child. Only when your cup is full can you overflow with kindness for those around you, including your children. In order to establish connection and mutuality with your child, self-care is very important.

“Feeling good about ourselves is essential in our being able to love others,” said Fred Rogers, host of the popular show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Similarly, it is important to realize that “Taking care of ourselves is essential in our being able to meaningfully connect with others.”

(Edited by Anupama Krishnakumar)