Understanding and processing triggers

There are many times when even the smallest of tantrums of your child could make you extremely angry.

One of the possible reasons could be that your child’s behaviour becomes a trigger to all the deep-seated emotions.

Let's look at this through a metaphor.

Imagine that you have a deep cut on your hand. You have not noticed or acknowledged the hurt. Instead of caring or nursing the wound, you have covered it. The wound stays as it is for a couple of days, months or even years.

What could happen?

The unnoticed and neglected wound could start becoming deeper and then even a small nudge on the deep cut could then bring excruciating pain.

Triggers are like small nudges. Even the slightest prick on the uncared wound can bring about a volcano of emotions.

For instance, Rashmi gets angry when her daughter Dia doesn’t listen to her. While having lunch, Rashmi tells her, "Dia, eat your food with a spoon!". Dia doesn’t listen and ignores her mother. Rashmi gets instantly triggered and shouts angrily at her daughter, "Dia, behave yourself or else I shall never take you to the park." Eventually, Rashmi and Dia end up in a fight.

Let us understand what led to Rashmi’s intense reactive anger.One of the possibilities could be that this reaction is an outcome of similar events that happened in her past.

Rashmi could have felt deeply hurt in the past when she was unheard by her parents. She felt angry when she was not heard by her husband and also by her in-laws. All these incidents and emotions formed the base for her deep-seated anger. Hence, even the smallest action of her daughter (not listening to her) became a trigger for Rashmi that led to an outburst of emotions.

How can you understand and process your trigger?

You can do this by accepting and nursing the wound.

Step 1: Accepting the wound

It means that whenever you are hurt in any way, you can accept that there is hurt and feel the pain.

Whenever Rashmi is not listened to by anyone, she could feel angry or hurt. At that time, she needs to accept and tell herself, “Yes, I am hurt and angry because he/she didn’t listen to me”. She can acknowledge her emotions by taking deep breaths.

Step 2: Nursing the wound

It means that you sit with the pain and process her emotions.

Rashmi needs to process her emotions (anger and sadness) by either crying out loud or by drawing or journaling her emotions. This has to be done consistently until the pain is felt no more. Nursing and healing a deep wound takes time. You need to be kind, gentle, loving and patient with your wounds and also with yourself.

How does understanding and processing the trigger help?

Accepting and nursing the wounds helps in curing you from the deep- emotional hurts.

By doing so, you make yourself fully available not only to your own self but also to your child.

You can set yourself free from your past and your child’s tantrums no longer become your trigger.

(Edited by Juhi Ramaiya)

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Geeta B Bhansali

Geeta B Bhansali, has been practising therapy and healing, related to mind , body and emotions since 15 years. She is a Heal Your Life Workshop Leader certified by Heart Inspired, USA for over 6 years, and also accredited as Heal Your Life Coach and TeenPlayshop facilitator. She uses skills from Voice and Body movement, Play back Theatre, Theatre of Oppressed, Non violent Communication and Theta Healing while working with adults, children and youngsters.

Geeta believes that when we are aware of our own thoughts, emotions and energy, we create an environment where we all can thrive.