Your child is ‘unique’, not ‘different’.

There could be times when a child is confused and they might think, feel, or behave differently from others.

For instance, the child could have ADHD, dyslexia or just simply have a behaviour/trait which is not considered to be ‘normal’. They can’t understand themselves and they have no idea what to do. This may result in a lot of emotional turmoil or anxiety in the child.

Let me share the case of my client, Aaru (name changed, age 26 years, permission taken).

In one of the therapy sessions, she mentioned, “I don’t understand why I am so scared; I can’t step out, I feel ashamed of myself. I just want to hide. I don’t like my voice and I don’t like the way I look; I don’t like my body. I can’t share these things about myself with my parents. My parents are good, but they just don’t seem to understand me. I feel so unacceptable. When I was in school my friends made fun of my squeaking voice. I think I am different. I am so confused. I wish I could stop existing.”

Aaru needed to accept herself just the way she was, so that she could share her truth about herself with her parents.

In a world where ‘being perfect or normal’ is commonly accepted, there could be moments of confusion for both the parent and the child when they are unable to understand certain behaviours or traits of the child. They may think that they are ‘unusual’, ‘not normal’ or that something about them is not ‘okay’.

As these moments become more frequent and difficult, the child starts to get labelled as ‘dumb, stupid, naughty, insensitive, incapable, irresponsible, lazy, forgetful’ etc.

What can you, as parents, do to support your child?

You can demonstrate respect while interacting with your child through your actions and words.

Here are some ways in which you can support your unique child:

1. Give complete acceptance to your child:

Your child truly deserves your acceptance and they constantly seek it. When they don’t feel accepted, they don’t feel worthy enough. The moment you tell yourself, “I accept my child the way they are”, is the moment you come from a space of respect and connection. By giving acceptance to your child, you increase the possibility for your child to accept themselves. This goes a long way in helping your child build their self-worth.

You need to accept the child the way they are by treating them as unique individuals.

2. Drop the shame, stigma or label that you have for your child or for yourself:

It is possible that you may feel uncomfortable with the repetitive behaviour or trait of your child. You might feel ashamed. It is possible that you might ignore or hide about these behaviours/traits. Becoming aware of your own perceptions, and discomforts around these particular behaviours or traits of the child is an important step towards addressing subtle biases that could possibly be reflected onto your child.

The key is to become aware and drop the judgements, labels or the stigma attached to your child and remind yourself that the child is truly being themselves.

3. Sensitive observation and complete presence:

Sensitive observation is to understand the child’s ‘different’ behaviour without judgement and be fully present with the child. With your complete presence and minute observation, you can connect with their feelings and needs. This often enables you to better understand what is going on for them.

When parents are fully present with the child, they tend to connect with the child.

The child feels valued and understood. They learn to accept themselves and as a result, express themselves freely.

4. Research, ask for support:

You can build resources and seek support from family, friends, professionals, or experts. You can then equip yourself with some skills to deal with the behaviours of the child. This can give you an understanding of the probable cause behind your child’s behaviours/ traits.

5. Focus and nurture the strengths, uniqueness, and specialness of your child:

The book, “The Spark”, talks about a mother’s story with her son, who, at age 2 received a diagnosis of autism. She was told he might never be able to tie his own shoes. She asks her husband the key question: “Why is it all about what these kids can’t do? Why isn’t anyone looking more closely at what they can do?” This kid, at the age of twelve, became a paid researcher in quantum physics. This true story talks about the mother’s acceptance and nurturance of the child and the possibilities that can open up when we tap the true potential that lies within every child. Support the child and nurture their uniqueness to bring out the best in themselves.

6. Consistently holding a loving and respectful space for your child:

When you hold a positive and kind heart space for your child, it has a powerful effect on not just your child but also on how the world around them is created and how the world perceives them. Read more about this:

https://www.growingtogetherjourney.com/post/the-key-to-your-child-s-transformation-lies-in-your-heart

Let me share my journey with my son:

My son (when he was in school) would wear two different coloured socks, walk on the edges, write mirror images and keep questioning me non-stop. There were times when some of his teachers could not understand him and he would get remarks and was labelled as ‘inattentive, messy, naughty’ etc.

When he did certain things which I could not comprehend, I too felt irritated, sometimes angry. Then, I took a pause and questioned myself.

“How can I understand him? What can I do?”

I started connecting with him in various ways, in a manner that he wanted. We spent a lot of time just talking to each other, I started talking about football with him and he shared his football stories with me. We shared our challenges. He told me how he would get punished in class for asking many questions and how he was bullied by his friends.

I read up about certain behaviours. I spoke to some friends and experts. I dismissed his tuition teachers. I realised that my son asking me questions incessantly meant that he was simply curious to know more. I bought a special pencil for him that enabled him to write legibly. I taught him the way he wanted to learn.

And then, I started to see the genius in him. The world within me changed and the world for him changed.

Parents play a huge role in making the child feel at ease and accepted especially when the child might feel ‘different’. The child could have unique needs or traits that are otherwise considered unconventional by society. With the parent’s trust, support acceptance, and presence, the child can live their truth. Parents can help their child understand, accept, and respect themselves so they can be who they truly are.

If your child thinks, feels and acts differently, remember they are still your unique child.

- Edited by Juhi Ramaiya

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Geeta B Bhansali

Geeta B Bhansali, has been practising therapy and healing, related to mind , body and emotions since 15 years. She is a Heal Your Life Workshop Leader certified by Heart Inspired, USA for over 6 years, and also accredited as Heal Your Life Coach and TeenPlayshop facilitator. She uses skills from Voice and Body movement, Play back Theatre, Theatre of Oppressed, Non violent Communication and Theta Healing while working with adults, children and youngsters.

Geeta believes that when we are aware of our own thoughts, emotions and energy, we create an environment where we all can thrive.